You ask your child to put away their shoes, wash their hands, and grab their backpack. A few minutes later, they are playing with a toy and none of the tasks are finished. It can look like they were not listening, but following directions involves several skills working together.
Why Instructions Get Lost
Working memory helps us hold information in mind long enough to use it.
Attention helps us notice the direction in the first place.
Planning and task initiation help us begin.
If a child is distracted, tired, overwhelmed, or given too many steps at once, they may lose track even when they want to cooperate. Some children with ADHD have greater difficulty with these skills, but forgetting directions alone does not establish ADHD.
Make Directions Easier to Remember
Get your child’s attention before speaking, then give a short, specific direction.
Instead of “Get ready for bed,” try, “First, put your pajamas on.”
Once that is done, give the next step.
For older children, a written or picture checklist can reduce the need to remember everything at once.
Check Understanding Without Quizzing
A calm check-in can reveal whether the instruction was heard and understood.
Ask, “What’s your first step?” or “Tell me what you’re going to do first.”
If your child is unsure, repeat the direction simply rather than asking why they never listen.
Modeling a strategy, such as saying the steps aloud, can be more helpful than repeated reminders.
Practice Strategies Together
Turn remembering into a skill you practice, not a test your child must pass. Try giving two short steps and encouraging your child to repeat them, picture them, or point to a checklist.
Gradually increase the number of steps as the child becomes successful.
Praise the strategy: “You checked your list when you forgot what came next. That was great problem-solving.”
Strategies to Try at Home
Use one-step directions during busy times.
Put visual reminders where the task happens.
Keep supplies in consistent places.
Build a short routine for repeated tasks, such as turning in homework or packing a bag.
Notice whether directions work better when spoken, shown, or written.
Looking for Additional Support?
If attention, organization, or following directions are consistently affecting school or home life, targeted support can help. Alexa Wernick Psychotherapy works with children on ADHD and executive functioning skills and partners with parents to create practical routines.
